Post by Deleted on Dec 13, 2016 23:12:00 GMT -5
Someone asked, "How do you know how deep to go before it's real?" My response... If you go too deep too fast you ruin it. I know from experience. You may think you know you'll always be together...that you found the one you want to be with...and they may tell you they feel the same way. You may even be saying I love you already. And it makes sense because you really do love them...Love is not this emotion that only comes when you've known someone for a long time. You can love a tree just as much as you love your dog and you can love your dog just as much as you love a complete stranger. But in a relationship especially, the words I Love You are very powerful words and when you start saying them too early, they lose their power. That person you love so much is like your drug. Your brain releases huge amount of serotonin every time you look at them. Just being with them makes you happy. And like many drugs that make you happy, you don't even have to move. You can just sit and stare into space and be perfectly happy and content. But what happens when the drug wears off and you're all by yourself stuck with your own thoughts? You begin to question things a lot more. You look back at everything and see what you've said and done. You evaluate, compare and contrast. So you may be perfectly happy and content just cuddling with someone all day but when you are apart you crave them like a drug. You will eventually get bored doing nothing when your serotonin depletes to merely nothing and when you are by yourself, you will look at the bigger picture and question whether it is that person you miss or the way they make you feel. You'll realize that you are less talkative and do not try as hard to please them. You do not do the extra fun stuff you used to do. You are just happy and content to sit around using them as your heroine...Do NOT let this happen to you! Do not fall into this trap! This will ruin your relationship, friendship, or whatever you want to call it...because one day you will get sick of each other...one day you will not feel as happy and content...you will be the complete opposite and you will start fighting...and what have the two of you done that is so special? What separates you from the rest of them? That's a question that I can not answer for you but another example is when you start saying I love you too early and then get used to saying it. Then all of a sudden you both think maybe it's too early and you don't want to move too fast...but you've already created a bigger problem because now you feel like there's something wrong or they don't love you when you don't hear it anymore...and you probably want to say it so bad but you stop yourself...or if you do say it you may be afraid the other person isn't genuine. There are so many problems you can cause yourself by just your thoughts and emotions alone...while at the same time the other person probably does not even perceive these same problems..I believe these thoughts and fears come from not feeling loved and appreciated enough as a child. But it could be something else. Everyone has their own past, present and future. But in between the friendship stage and relationship stage I have learned that you must keep in mind that if you do not want to lose someone, then just be yourself and do not worry about it. Almost all of the obstacles people face stem from their fears and insecurities. If you can be happy and secure and just be yourself, you will have a clear conscious. You won't change into a crazy person..and you'll continue to be the person they were attracted to in the first place. Another mistake people make is trying to become this idea or image of what they believe their partner or friend wants them to become. If they don't already love you for who you are then why are you even trying to be with them? If you feel the need to be someone else then it will never work because you are yourself. You may not feel like yourself, but that's a whole other topic...You must find yourself...You're not supposed to look for someone else to make you happy...If you do, it will never work. You must learn to be your true self and be happy on your own in order to be confident and secure. Then you can successfully hold a "relationship" with another confident and secure human being...Learn from eachother and grow together. But don't just use each other as crutches.Of course you can when you are down in life and need them to lift you up...but when you heal, you no longer need the crutch. And if you feel like you no longer need that person afterward, then they were never there for anything more than to lift you up. It takes a special kind of person to sped your life with. Most people in your life are there to teach you lessons and learn from you. Before you ask yourself, "Is this real?" ask yourself, "What is real?" 
